Turning Interests into Hobbies, Part 2

A few months ago I went to Atlantic City for a bachelor party and ended up losing a good amount of money. The first day I played slots and lost hundreds. The second day I played slots and lost again, then I switched to blackjack and ended up making $100 after about eight straight hours of playing.

This experience taught me two things:
1) I like gambling.
2) I hate losing money.

These two, I've found, are not mutually exclusive. If you put in the effort to learn the strategies and mathematics behind every game you want to play, you can identify favorable tables/machines and situations and reduce the house edge to the bare minimum.

Apart from researching the games and memorizing strategies, I am learning how to spot favorable bets, manage my bankroll, minimize risk, quit while ahead, and cover my play so I can keep coming back to the casinos and (hopefully) keep winning.

Gambling author Bob Dancer has this to say:

"In general terms, succeeding at gambling is not significantly different from succeeding at anything else. This was the toughest lesson to learn. Since gambling was so exciting and glamorous and inviting, I figured there just had to be special secrets for success. I've learned that this simply isn't true. To be sure, there are specific things you must learn, such as always splitting aces and eights in blackjack. But that's just one little detail. Overall, the secret is to study harder than everyone else, concentrate on what you're doing, save your money, and keep your mind and body fit" (Dancer 2003:20).

Just as I'm studying sociology, I'm studying gambling. And I find that the two are not unrelated.

In sociology, concepts such as the Central Limit Theorem and Law of Large Numbers come into play when discussing statistical sampling. Generally, the bigger the sample, the more likely some parameter of the sample equals the "true" expected value of the population parameter. For instance, if you wanted to know how the people of Maryland feel about a particular candidate or law or issue, you could ask one random person, or a dozen, or hundreds, or thousands; the more people you poll, the closer the average of their opinions will be to that of all of Maryland.

The same concepts are at work in games of chance. The longer you play (that is, the larger the sample), the closer your results will get to the mathematical "true" expected value. Most games have a house edge, which means a negative EV as time/hands/plays goes to infinity, which means you should expect to lose money in the long run.

In sociology, you typically want the LARGEST possible sample so you can get as close to the expected value as possible. In gambling, you typically want the SMALLEST possible sample so you can stay as far from the expected value as possible. The more random chance a game has, the less you should play it. And in all cases, you should learn how to quit when ahead and when "ahead" is enough ahead.

There are many books on the subject, and I've read a few over the past couple months. I've been to a couple casinos and I'm keeping a journal to track my results, note my mistakes and their bearing on each outcome, and figure out how to improve my performance.

Most importantly, I know my limits and I'm careful not to exceed them. For all the work I've put into studying gambling, and figuring the math myself so I understand it, and learning the strategies, and practicing them for hours before wagering a single dollar, and tracking my mistakes, and reading up on all the psychological aspects, I already have something to show for it. And I've had a lot of fun so far.

Dancer, Bob. 2003. Million Dollar Video Poker. Las Vegas, NV: Huntington Press.

Turning Interests into Hobbies, Part 1

As a college undergrad, I shelled out hundreds of dollars every semester on new textbooks and used old-editions, most of which never saw the light of day beyond the first few weeks. Alas! Skipping, skimming, and  Spark-Noting has become the norm among much of today's youth, myself included.

One undertaking I've attempted several times before is to sit down and re-read all my old books, formulate my own theories and ideas about the world, and somehow achieve recognition doing it. At one point, I tried blogging about every article and book I read, ultimately losing interest after about two months.

I was fooling myself.

Sociology (and its various facets/related disciplines) remains an interest of mine, but the time and effort required to turn myself into the idealized Great American Sociologist and Thinker of my fantasies was too much for me to handle.

It didn't help that each time I rekindled this dream I started with either my inane Sociology 101 texts (ex: "Beauty Myths and Realities and Their Impact on Women's Health") or my most esoteric, theoretical works by authors who cannot be thoroughly understood without a substantial understanding of the basic (and intermediate) concepts (ex: Simmel, Mead, Marcuse, etc.). I always chose either the simple or the complex, and I tried to force myself into following through until I gave up completely.

Amateur Sociology is still an interest of mine, and is only one of several. I want to turn this interest into a hobby. I don't want to "be interested in sociology", I want to "be a sociologist". I want to write and publish papers in peer-reviewed journals. I want to attend conventions. I want to meet and hold conversation with academics and researchers who do this for a living. I want to enjoy doing something I like.

Ay, there's the rub! For in my attempts to study and master the entire discipline, I forced myself to study the theoretically bland or the impossibly convoluted. I had to grind through the insipidity of the most basic texts until I caught up with my interest, or I had to pore over every term and sentence and contemplate every example until that small micro-fragment of an author's argument registered with me. It was hard work either way.

One of my life's goals is to be a sociologist. To get there, I need to study sociology. But rather than turning my interest into a chore by reading every single book I own, I will accept that I don't need to read everything and that for some books I'm not yet ready. Some, mostly case studies , I will skip since I've no interest in them.

Sounds easy, right? Carefully consider your skill level and know your limitations. Don't let your efforts become a chore; stick with what you like and let your pursuit of knowledge grow from there.

Step Two: Identify the Solution(s)

In Step One, I identified how I went wrong (the where and when of it is inconsequential). Discovering and admitting it was not easy, but change seldom is.

Each aspect of my life that I want to improve demands certain things from me:

Legal Problems

After you receive a citation/violation, you have a brief period of no consequences before you must appear for a hearing and/or court. Then the stress starts.

Lawyering up is expensive but necessary, and jumping through all the legal hoops is extremely frustrating. Then comes probation, which carries with it its own set of obligations.

I'm currently through the worst of it, but I'm far from over. Many probation officers (at least here in Maryland), don't care about whether you fulfill your requirements timely or exactly, just so long as you do fulfill them and pay all your fees. And there are a LOT of fees. Court costs, "victim" fees paid to the state, lawyer fees, fines, monthly probation fees (there are two of them each month), additional probation fees they add on because they can, fees for every single class and seminar and panel and community service program you're forced to do, and when it's all over you get points on your license and have more fees and stress. There's also all a good deal of time you can expect to miss from work (hearings, court dates, probation visits, community service), not to mention gas money.

The best solution to legal problems is to save money until court and take care of as much as you can. Make a conscious effort to knock out the actionable requirements ASAP so all you have remaining are the generic "be good" requirements. At this point, some POs will shift you from "supervised" to "unsupervised" or will allow you the use of the kiosk, which makes visits easier and less stressful. Make monthly payments on time and SAVE ALL RECEIPTS (I have a story about this for another time).

I have eight more months until it's all over (I hope!) plus $2700 more in expected fees, but most of my remaining obligations can be met when I choose to take care of them.

Solutions: Money, More Money, Effort, Time, and Patience.

Financial Problems

Apart from the great hardships the State is causing me for one minor indiscretion (keeping the poor poor, that's the Maryland way!), I've other responsibilities that cannot be ignored. Keeping my car in working order, paying down my student loans, and my current inability to afford insurance or my own apartment weigh hard on my conscience and my wallet.

My current job owes me a good deal of money for unpaid pay checks. This does not help my situation.

Common knowledge dictates that I start budgeting my money, reducing unnecessary spending, prioritizing my payments, and keeping track of every penny I possess. This sounds simple, but it's a lot harder to do than you'd think; this is why so many people and businesses and governments run into so much financial trouble. To actually sit down with a sheet of paper, list out all anticipated expenses, all anticipated income, and determine what you need to give up to dig yourself out of a hole is tough.

I spend too liberally on food and entertainment. It's easy to say "I'll cut back", but when given the choice between a plain hamburger or a bacon cheeseburger, I'll typically choose taste over economy. I find it harder to stick to a budget than a diet.

Solutions: Self-control, Money, Effort

Personal Problems

I have few meaningful personal relationships outside my immediate family. Years of soul searching has led me to believe that this is just how things are, but I'm not satisfied with that answer.

Relationships take work. Friends are expected to do things with each other beyond "hanging out". Same for finding romantic/sexual partners; there's much more to it than being a nice guy.

I've concluded that everything I think, and feel, and know DOES NOT MATTER. I'm a nice guy but I'm boring to be around. My opinions don't matter because I'm not in a social position where they should matter. I have so little to converse about because I have so few meaningful experiences.

There is precisely one difference between an interest and a hobby: an interest is something you like, and a hobby is something you do. Interests yield thoughts and opinions. Hobbies yield experiences, stories to tell, and opportunities to meet new people. Pursuing interests turns them into hobbies, which makes life richer. This obviously takes commitment and a good deal of effort, but it also costs money for the resources, equipment, travel, and activity.

I hate that I'm still living with my parents and dependent on them for so much. It's a shameful, guilty feeling that unfortunately takes precedence in my interactions with them. I feel inadequate. Having worthwhile hobbies can alleviate this, but mostly I need to get out of the house and become independent. This ties into the above section on financial problems.

Solutions: Commitment, Money, Effort

Health Problems

I'm not getting any younger. And while I may feel fine now, I don't regularly visit the doctor or dentist. I drink and I smoke and I stay up late at night doing any number of things. I'm overweight, but I don't care as much as I know I should. I worry about things and I know this stress is taking a toll on me. I don't sleep regularly or well, and I feel hungover every morning in spite of not having a drink in months.

It's a fact that other problems are exacerbated by poor health and health conditions. It's also been proven that stress is very taxing on both body and mind.

Much of the problem is my lifestyle. Bad habits can be broken, good habits can be introduced, and health can be improved. My lifestyle (such as my overspending and my running around to meet job/legal requirements) can also be improved, leading to a less stressful and more rewarding life.

Solutions: Effort, Money, Time

Common Themes

My happiness is tied to all these problems and my present inability to solve them. However, these problems are all solvable.

I've evaluated and considered everything I'm unhappy about, discontent with, frustrated about, and losing sleep over, and I believe they can all be classified into one of these four categories. What's more, I believe that, after thinking long and hard about the nature of all my problems, there are only two real solutions: Money and Effort.

Money pays the bills. It lets you live where you please and do what you please. It can be traded for good times and new things and, so doing, helps you build relationships. The saying goes that "money can't buy happiness", but it can buy everything you need to make happiness possible.

Effort makes happiness. You put in the hours and go through the motions, resist the bad urges, and do what you have to do and most problems can be worked through. Effort makes Money, as you endure the daily grind and conserve cash in the face of temptation, as you put in that extra effort to get the extra results, as you take care of debts early to avoid compounding interest rather than putting them off and paying more. This makes Effort the more powerful of the two.

I will focus primarily on effort. I will do things. I will set goals and work hard to meet them. I will grind through these down times and break my back to build a better tomorrow. Some problems I'm already working on; others will require a concerted effort on my part to even get off the ground. But I will do what I have to do to make my life suck less. I'm doing this, and it's getting better, man!

Step One: Identify the Problem

My life sucks. I have a job I hate that doesn't pay. I have debts that I am barely able to afford, and others that I can't. I have legal issues to resolve and obligations to meet. I have a profound discontentment with my living situation and the guilt of being a burden on my family. I have few real friends. I have a low sense of self-efficacy, and if I believed in self-esteem I'd have a low sense of that too.

It's time to break this cycle.

Towards the end of last year, I happened upon the single most motivational article I've ever read. Writing for Cracked.com (of all places), David Wong authored "6 Harsh Truths That Will Make You a Better Person" as a manifesto to the Underachiever and the Loser. He echoes the cliched mantras, "Actions speak louder than words" and "It's not who I am underneath, but what I do that defines me", but he does so without the naive levity of other columnists or the political correctness of motivational speakers.

His list is uncharacteristic of self-help lists for two reasons: it does not offer helpful suggestions, and it does not read like a list. It is a single article that makes one point very clear. The world has wants and needs and your value to the world depends solely on your ability to provide for it.

My life sucks. Let me say it again: My life sucks. I am of little value to this world, to my job, to the few friends I have, to my family, and most of all to myself, because I don't have the specialized knowledge, skills, or abilities that make me valuable. I know that it's entirely my fault for not developing them properly. It's entirely my fault for not following through with my plans and not pursuing my interests. I spent entirely too much time consuming television programs, and movies, and music, and spectator sports (also on TV), and video games, and food, and sex, and drugs, and conversation, and other pastimes that did nothing but age me without making me smarter, abler, or wealthier. Most of my life has been idle consumption, and as a result I've little to show for it. Idleness is a luxury I do not deserve.

This is why I'm unhappy and unsatisfied. This is Step One.

I started this blog to make my life better. My goals are lofty, and it may be that I never reach them. But I have faith that committing to change will be fruitful, and that knowing exactly how I fucked up will prevent me from remaining stagnant in the weeds of sloth.

My life sucks. But it's getting better, man!

My name is Sean, and I have a desire for a new way of life.

Amid all the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune that I daily fend off, I've found myself backed into a corner with no way out but to fight. How I got into this mess is a long story, and how I plan to escape is yet another.

A positive of my predicament is my experiences. I've always thought myself observant, even if I seldom follow through on my observations. I will never profess wisdom, but I have found certain knowledge, skills, and abilities that I feel I can write about and help others with.

Perhaps, as I struggle to get through this thing called "life", I can help others with similar interests and situations.

My gravest sin is sloth; let us see if I can commit to developing this blog into something respectable.